15 Phrases That Worsen Arguments (and What to Say Instead)

Arguments are a natural part of human interactions. But how we handle them what we say while we argue can greatly impact our relationships and mental health. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to let emotions take over and say things that worsen the situation. 

This article explores the impact of words, fifteen phrases that can escalate arguments, alternative expressions to show understanding, and resolution after the argument ends.

Before we look into the specific phrases that can worsen arguments, it’s crucial to appreciate words’ profound impact on our interactions. The language we choose during a disagreement holds the power to either bridge gaps or deepen divides. This influence extends far beyond the content of what is said. In fact, it encompasses how we say it, the tone we use, and the context in which the words are spoken. It also encompasses the intent behind them – and how the other party receives them.

The tone of our voice can convey a multitude of emotions. To name just a few:

Each elicits different responses from the listener. Albert Mehrabian’s 55/38/7 Communication Model shows how tone can often communicate more than the actual words used. For instance, a statement made in a harsh tone can seem aggressive, even if the words are neutral.

Context also plays a pivotal role. The same phrase can have altogether different meanings depending on the situation. In a heated argument, a comment might be interpreted as criticism. Conversely, the same comment in a calm discussion could be constructive feedback. That’s why understanding the context and adapting our language is key to effective communication.

Moreover, our intent – or the purpose behind our words – is critical. Are we deliberately trying to hurt or control the other person? Are we attempting to convey frustration? Or do we honestly hope to find a solution? Words spoken with the intent to harm or belittle can cause lasting damage to relationships. On the other hand, words used to understand and resolve can foster stronger bonds and mutual respect.

It’s also important to consider the listener’s perspective. What might seem like a straightforward statement to one person could be received as a deeply hurtful remark by another? That is where emotional intelligence comes into play, allowing us to anticipate and understand how others might interpret our words.

Finally, words we utter while we argue can shape our reality and influence our mindset. The language we use can affect how we perceive a conflict and how we approach its resolution. We can steer conversations towards a positive outcome when choosing more positive and solution-focused words.

Here are some inappropriate, unhelpful things to avoid saying in the heat of the moment:

Even when handled with care, arguments can leave a rift in relationships. Healing this rift involves a process of accountability, apologizing, making amends, and moving on healthily. This section explores these steps, supported by evidence on effective relationship repair strategies.

Accountability is acknowledging your role in the argument. It’s about owning up to your actions and their impact without excuses or deflection. Taking responsibility for one’s actions – owning up to mistakes – is crucial in repairing trust.

Implementing Accountability:

An apology is more than just half-heartedly saying, “I’m sorry.” It demonstrates remorse for your actions and their effects on the other person. An apology is a chance to own up (accountability) and express your regret for the words or actions that led to the heated discussion. It’s also appropriate to apologize for hurtful words you said while arguing.

Giving a Meaningful Apology:

Making amends, when appropriate, is a proactive step towards repairing the relationship. It shows a commitment to change and to do better in the future. Reparative actions can significantly improve relationship satisfaction post-conflict.

Steps to Make Amends

Moving on from an argument is crucial for the health of the relationship. It involves a conscious decision not to use the argument as a weapon in future disagreements. A report in the American Psychological Association highlights the importance of forgiveness and letting go of grudges for mental health and relationship stability.

Strategies for Moving on:

Healing after you argue with someone is a vital, though often challenging, part of any relationship. It requires a combination of accountability, sincere apologies, making amends, and a commitment to move forward positively. These steps, grounded in psychological research, can help mend the rifts caused by arguments, leading to stronger, more resilient relationships.

Effective communication is key in resolving conflicts. By being mindful of our phrases, we can create a space for understanding and problem-solving. Remember that people who truly care about one another sometimes argue. But it’s not about winning an argument but finding a solution respecting everyone involved. Even the most challenging discussions can lead to positive outcomes with patience and empathy.